That’s a Deal Breaker

That’s a Deal Breaker

When my husband does something for which he feels he must apologize, I often reassure him by saying, “Don’t worry, that’s not a deal breaker.” My husband, being a good and considerate person, often apologizes for things I wouldn’t even notice. Because of this, I sometimes shout “NOT A DEAL BREAKER!” before he has a chance to apologize. I’m charming like that.

This week I read the news about Rep. Duncan Hunter’s indictment for misusing campaign finance funds. I have lost the ability to be surprised that yet another politician is fleecing his donors and constituents, but I was stunned by one detail. Hunter denied the charges, but he helpfully pointed out the real criminal. He blamed his wife.

Upon learning this, I looked at my husband and said, “Now that’s a deal breaker.” Really, I told him, if we were involved in some sort of criminal conspiracy and your first act upon getting caught was to blame me, we’d be done. My husband, who often presses me for the line where the deal might be broken, seemed glad for the clarification.

Honestly, Hunter’s wife likely committed a crime, but it was his campaign fund. She damn sure didn’t commit that crime alone. How can he justify shifting blame to the woman who gave birth to his three kids? And this man is one of those “faith and values” Republicans. How does a man who babbles on about family values treat his wife like the lesser nephew in a mob caper? 

What’s next for this crazy couple, do you suppose? Will they return home, have a good laugh, and debate whether they’d rather order in Thai food or pizza for supper? Will they stand beside one another at their kid’s soccer game or sit together at a ballet recital? Or will they both head to criminal court via a quick detour through divorce court?

I’ll be curious to see if Margaret Hunter is the sort of family values wife who stands by her man for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in abject betrayal, or if, like me, she considers this a deal breaker.

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Tiffany Quay Tyson

THE PAST IS NEVER, a southern gothic novel steeped in local lore, is available now. The Southern Independent Booksellers Alliance deemed it an Okra Pick. Tyson's debut novel THREE RIVERS was a finalist for both the Colorado Book Award for Literary Fiction and the Mississippi Institute of Arts and Letters Award for Fiction. She was born and raised in Jackson, Mississippi and now lives, writes, and teaches in Denver, Colorado.
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